George Hartwell M.Sc. of www.HealMyLife.com
Love Addiction & People Pleasing
Addictions and addictive behaviours are maintained, sustained and rewarded by escape from pain. The pain in People Pleasing is the sinking feelings that I did something wrong and will not be loved as a result. In fact there is a whole set of beliefs and associtated negative feelings called “The Pit” (my term) that anyone would want to escape.
Are you a People Pleaser? Do you find that when you experience criticism, failure, or confrontation you over-react. All of a sudden you are angry or depressed. Your response seems way out proportion to the event.
Here is what has happened. Your worse fears and most painful negative beliefs have just been triggered. You just dropped into “The Pit.”
Down in the pits, you experience extremely negative beliefs and very painful feelings. See The Program and the Pit. (These feelings are stored in the memory bank of the Limbic System or Emotional Brain. For more about the brain read “Heal Your brain, Heal your life.” )
The Pit is a painful, adverse, frightening, depressing experience that anyone would want to escape. Your dysfunctional way to escape (to assure safety, security and love) is people pleasing. This program is by now second nature. You used it in childhood to gain mother or father’s approval and by now it is a longstanding way of life – a personality pattern. But now it fuels love addiction.
Gaining the prize – avoiding the pit and feeling in control by following the program – is enough to reward love addiction. The Pit is a painful; the people pleasing program provids relief. Following the program is rewarded by avoiding rejection and gaining praise and affection. This creates the Love Addiction cycle…more info